On fire

Friends of IB’s from Japan are visiting from Osaka this week. We went for hamburgers for lunch, a typical American experience. This particular restaurant had a wall of hot sauces to choose from. We had fun experimenting with the variety of flavors.

JB asked for the hottest one. The waiter did not know which was the hottest but said that Mad Dog 357 was pretty hot. IB and his two Japanese friends put a bit on their burgers and became almost immediately silent, their eyes getting wider and wider as their senses became more and more aware of a terrible mistake they had just made. Lips burning, throat burning, eyes watering. Hands to their foreheads. Holding their throats, their chests, their stomachs. They were literally in a great deal of pain. We rushed to get bread and milk and more beer to try to assuage the red-hot fire in their innards. They were in Chicago for less than two hours before they experienced a very real Chicago fire. After the flames had been tamped down, which took a bit of time, we read the bottle, which had very serious warnings about its use.

I agree, as indicated by my opening this bottle, as follows in connection with my purchase of this product: 
1. Due to the extreme hot nature of this product, this product shall be used as a food additive. This product can cause serious injury if directly consumed, ingested or applied to the body. 
2. Due to the extreme hot nature of this product, this product shall be used with extreme care in very small amounts only. 
3. This product is to be used at my own risk, and I am fully understand the potential danger if use or handled improperly. 
4. If I give this product as a gift, I will make the recipient fully aware of the potential danger if used or handled improperly. 
5. I hereby disclaim, release and relinquish any and all claims, actions and lawsuits that I, or any of my dependents, heirs, family members or legal representatives, may have against any party relating to any damage or injury that may Result, or is alleged to have resulted, from the use, consumption, ingestion, contact or other use of or from the product. 
6. I am not inebriated or otherwise not of a sound mind, and I fully able to make a sound decision about the purchase of this product.
xxxxxx
Then on the front of the bottle we read that Mad Dog 357 contained 6 million scovilles. The Scoville Scale is a rating system for the hotness of peppers based on the amount of capsaicum present. The hottest pepper in the world according to Wikipedia is the Bhut Jolokia Pepper, also known as the Ghost Pepper, with a Scoville rating of 855,000-1,463,700. This makes the Mad Dog 357 about 5 times as hot as the hottest pepper (and lists Bhut Jolokia as one of its ingredients). Pepper spray has 1,500, 000 to 2,000,000 units. This hot sauce was more than three times as powerful.
xxxxx

Needless to say, though the heat very clearly knocked the three of them for a fiery loop, in the end they had a very fine story to tell of ingesting the hottest substance on earth and living to tell the tale.

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1 Response to On fire

  1. anvilcrow says:

    WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    JUST READING THIS

    SWEATING
    GASPING

    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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