Sitting with my colleague in the classroom after school today, my eyes happened to look past a pile of old materials from a previous unit, past the posterboard of a former student’s research project on corsets, and land on a green bottle of lotion. It was given to me as a holiday gift by a student. Except this student forgot to give it to me before vacation and it lay smashed at the bottom of his backpack over break. He remembered to offer it to me in our first week back to school saying that his mother wanted me to have it.
I have to admit, I was a bit taken aback when I removed its torn and crushed wrappings and discovered it was a bottle of Tighten Up Moisturizer (Kiss My Face). That’s right. Tighten Up. The kind of lotion that “firms” and leaves your skin looking “young.” Yes, it is chock full of “skin firming herbs” that will “fight the signs of aging.” Oh yes, and it’s organic.
Alright, I’m not trying to be overly sensitive here or even in any kind of denial, but pleeeeeaaaasssseee…. In a world of a million possible gifts to give a teacher, one that will help her “tighten” her wrinkles should NOT be at the top of any student’s (or their mother’s) shopping list.
Even a few of my students noticed the bottle and its “properties” and smirked and teased, but mostly smirked. I rushed to assure them that I was not the one who purchased the lotion, but it had been given to me by one of them and wasn’t that outrageous?! At any rate, that’s why I tucked it back by a previous student’s project on corsets.
I rescued it today, 5 weeks later, and decided I would take it home….
to use as hand lotion.